A Date? Does That Mean I Have To Brush My Hair?

Are you one of those people where it shows that you have been single for too long. Quick run to a mirror and tell me what you see. I did just that, and I thought, what if someone dashing prince in shining armor showed up at my door and said, “Darling, jump on my stallion and let’s go on a date.”

Would I swing the door open? Heck No! I would do a mad Matrix and turn out all the lights, and crawl behind the couch and hide.

As I stood in the mirror, I did an evaluation from head to toe what would have to happen before I could swing that door open…starting at my feet.

Feet: Full on pedi! And when I say full on, I mean FULL ON! I am talking bring out the sandblaster for my calloused. Replace the polish that I put on three months ago. Scrape all that stuff off.

Legs: Any teachers need a chalkboard? Not only are they hairy, but dang are they dry and chalky. I need a good razor and some very rehydrating lotion.

My Nature: Not to be TMI…Does anyone have a weed wacker? Yeah I know, but when you don’t have a man, why bothers,

Face: Ok I am just going to say it, when did all this hair get out of control, I have the unibrow with whiskers coming on strong,

Hair: Do I embrace the gray or dye it away?

Let’s not even start on my body. Wow when did I get that flab pocket here and there…

Yeah, I am not going on any dates soon, I am going to need at least a thousand dollars for a make over…

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Do You Tell A New Date You Have Depression?

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To tell or not to tell, that is the question. If you suffer from Depression, Bipolar or other diseases of the mind, do you tell someone you want to date?

If so…

When is the right time to tell them? Before you date? On the first date? Or when you feel you know them better?

If not…

Is this deceiving them?

If the tables were turned, would you want to know?

Why do you feel you have to hide it from them?

This is a tough question, especially if you are dating with purpose. What is your criteria on if to or not to tell? Maybe you feel it is not their business, or is it because you fear rejection? So lets buy some time and date for awhile and see if you feel serious enough about this person to let him know such a personal side of you. So is it wrong to give it time so the other person starts to feel feelings and how dare you allow me to develop feelings for you only to find out you are mentally ill.

This is just an article to open your eyes to what people with a mental illness face when dating. I remember dating this guy and we both developed feelings. In the midst of telling her all the wonderful things he was doing and how happy I was, she asked, “Does he know you have Bipolar?”

I looked at her with hurt and disgust. “Mom, you think he would care? He said he loved me.” That night I told him, by the way I am Bipolar, not the bad kind. I get depressed.” Why didn’t I notice the silence after that. He said he had a migraine and had to go home. Ok, I did know he had migraines. Ok, he should go home and lay down, I thought.

A week went by, then a month…no call…didn’t answer MY calls. It died. He left me like my husband.

My last text to him was, I am the same person you fell in love with, I didn’t change…

you did. Thank you for helping me see the real you.

 

 

When You Think Nobody Will Ever Compare to Your Ex


So you are back to dating, yet you find yourself comparing or looking for someone like your ex.

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There is a reason why you feel nobody measures up to your ex.
 
You are not quite ready to date.
 
What is the solution you ask? Good question!

Continue reading “When You Think Nobody Will Ever Compare to Your Ex”

14 Logical Ways to Know You May Be Dating Mr. Right!

Divorcee Go Wings/Dating

To find a good man we need to think about what we want in a man.  The traits I accumulated are key to finding a great guy.
 
No more settling.  No more Mr. Losers for us.  Because we are perfect women and this time around we want a man who is going to be worthy of us.  I have searched the web and came up with these 14 traits, gestures and behaviors that I found the most important.

Continue reading “14 Logical Ways to Know You May Be Dating Mr. Right!”

GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME

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GOD IS STILL WORKING ON ME

To the single women out there, are you like me and your focus is where are all the single men.  Are you thinking you know what will make you whole again…a real nice man?  Really?  I am laying here thinking so very different little by little every day.  Don’t get me wrong I backslide a lot.  That loneliness is a mo fo.  Sitting in an apartment alone, is a mutha!  I get up off the couch… I go to the refridgerator… I look then, I close it… I walk in my bedroom and look in there…what am I looking for.  I go in the bathroom, do I need to go?  Not really.  What the hell I will go just a little just for something to do.  I have bought crafts that sit in the bag.  I leave and go get food and there it sits in the fridge because I really wasn’t hungry.

I don’t know what to do with myself because I am bored and don’t know what to do with myself.  But I picked up a book and started reading and started looking within and thought, do I really feel ready for a relationship?   I am bothered, it isn’t just about having someone to entertain me anymore, it is deeper than that.  There is something deep inside of me that is trying to tell me something about me.  Like a purpose maybe.  Like men need to not take my focus now.  But I won’t be able to truly grasp what it is because I am so focused on loneliness and whining that I can’t focus on this deeper meaning that I am supposed to be working on myself.  We all have a calling or purpose in this life.  Love is wonderful, romance is beautiful.  There is a reason a man has not shown up in my life now and I need to become aware of that and accept that as a part of a plan not a curse.  Men are not our universe, they are yummy frosting on the cake but they are not the cake…I need to focus on the cake…and so let me start working on finding what ingredients I need for my cake. Why am I looking for frosting when I don’t even have cake yet??? Right now  God is still working on me now…  and if I really get my stuff together…I may even be able to put a cherry on top…woo hoo bet that will be real yummy!!!

I NEEDED HIM TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!!!!

 

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Some guy came on to me today and honey let me tell you he was hot hot.  Total eye candy and I am sure, another kind of candy.  I have my shares of propositions and requests for dates and somehow it just doesn’t work out.  But this guy was tall, handsome, well dressed…he had it all.  He approached me and the way he started talking I knew right away….Player.  He had that “Rico Suave” personality.  He made it very obvious as he looked me up and down and tilted his head and said, “Hey sexy”  Say Whuuut!!! Did I have “Ho” written on my forehead?  I looked at him and put the gas cap back on my car, got in and drove away.

But this isn’t about being treated like a piece of beef.  I can remember wanting to thank some gardeners that drove by and honked at me because I was starving for that assurance so a few months back I would have probably been in some motel room with this Rico Suave.  A few years ago I was starving for my husband to tell me I was pretty, that he loved me, that he appreciated me.  My emotional tank was empty and I blamed it all on my husband because he never showed me love.  Oh how I would beg him to tell me, and of course when he wouldn’t, that would make me feel more depleted than ever. I had a void that I could not feel and it was in the pit of my stomach.  I swear I could feel it when I would cry, it felt so hollow in there.

It was no wonder that I jumped into a relationship so fast because he was saying all the things I needed to hear, words like “love” and “beautiful”.  I was drinking it up.  But what was funny was that he could tell me a million times and I was like a pool with a hole in it.  That relationship obviously didn’t work.

Truthfully I have spent my whole life blaming my husband for being a horrible person because all I wanted was him to show me he loved me.  In my eyes life would have been so much different.  If he could have just showed me love I would have felt better about myself and the would have been full of unicorns and rainbows don’t you know…NOT!

My pool WAS full of holes.  Or rather my tank was empty, bone dry empty.  That lack of love I had for myself made me insecure, jealous, miserable, needy…doesn’t sound like a fun person to be mated with does it.  So after my unsuccessful relationship after my husband, I decided to stay solo, actually it was recommended.

This is when I discovered I have used men as a fix my whole life, to make me feel better because I couldn’t make myself feel better.  I am addicted to love.  When I had no man to focus on, WOW, my marriage that I thought I was doing great getting over all of a sudden was not so easy getting over.  All of a sudden it felt like someone was dying, it was kind of the truth.  My marriage died and I never mourned it because I jumped into another relationship to kill the pain like an alcoholic grabs a bottle to numb his pain.

But without the booze, that alcoholic is going to feel every pain and that is exactly what I did, but that is exactly what I needed to do.  For the first time since we broke up, a year and a half before, I broke down over my marriage.  I was not the Super Woman that I thought I was.  With no man to take my focus off my husband, I realized I was going to miss him dearly.  I spent many a night crying.  I was breaking down at work, in the car.  Everywhere,.  It was controlling me but I had to let it out of my system.

That pain that I experienced was that pain in the hollow in my stomach, it felt so empty.  No teddy bear could  take it away, some days I got extra scary bad but I trudged.  But I stayed single and I started meditating and looking at why did I have such low self-esteem.  No man was going to make me happy, nor would I make any man happy until I figured out where this non-self love was coming from.

I was looking deep within myself for an answer and fast forward to the day when that hot hot guy came on to me.  I thought, who the hell does this guy think I am.  A miracle happened, I don’t know when this happened, how this happened but as I was driving I thought…I have no void.  That empty hollow feeling is gone.  I pulled the rear view mirror at myself and looked deep into my eyes.  “I love you”, I said…I waited for a reaction of a cringe…there wasn’t one.  Opposite, I liked how I felt when I said it.  I had to pull over and text my friend telling her MY VOID IS GONE!!!

People, I had this void since I was a little girl, I can’t remember anytime in my life when I didn’t feel that void.  All because I taught myself how to not expect love and approval from other but instead give it to myself.  This came from books I read from Louise Hay and Eckart Tolle.

I am on my way to a better world and like a car with a full tank of gas.  With this full tank, I am going to see the world!!!!!

CLIMBING FOR LOVE…

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Oh the webs we weave, ok! My quest for love continues. It is a journey that I continue to climb the highest mountain in pursuit of.

The mountain I left didn’t have it, my husband. I climbed it all the way to the top. Oh, what a jagged, rocky high mountain it was. Full of peaks and loose rocks. So many times I lost my footage, but I continued my climb. I was sure that I would find what I was looking for.  If I pushed forward and could just reach the top.  But two peaks up, and I would fall three peaks down.

Continue reading “CLIMBING FOR LOVE…”