When your love betrays you, there is going to be a lot of sadness, anger, maybe even revenge seeking. Yes it is really hard, but sometimes there is nothing else to do or think about, it is time to move on.
Betrayal is some hard stuff to deal with. Are you making it harder on you instead of being proactive about getting over this horrible thing that happened?
What do we mean when I say betrayed:
- Cheated on. Make things worse it someone you knew like a friend or even relative.
- Manipulated out of money, scammed for lack of a better word.
- Stole from you. Like a family heirloom
In other words he hurt you deeply. So now what?
First of all, how long are you going to agonize over it? Oh and forget it if there was complete denial on their part. Do you find yourself gathering all your “evidence” to prove that he did do whatever he did, and try to put it together like you’re an attorney going to court. Stop the self-torture. If a man cannot assume responsibility for his actions you are spinning circles and that is just hurting you. This kind of man will lie that he is cheating even if you bust him while he is plowing her, if you know what I mean. Then top it off with yelling at you to shut the door, you are always trying to start a fight!
That is the kind of man I have attracted and boy nothing is more frustrating and then there is no closure. You would like an apology, an explanation redemption. But guess what, life isn’t fair and you may end up with this instead:
- Denial. Never happened, they don’t know what you are talking about.
- Never even takes responsibility for his own actions.
- What about the man who shows no remorse?
- Shift blamers. They feel justified and it is all on you.
- Make you out as a crazy nag that just wants to argue and you better stop or he will show you and leave you. Oh yeah, he is that wonderful.
- Or, my favorite, he disappears, maybe forever. Poof! Yeah I had one of those too.
So where is the closure if you are dealing with this kind of situations. You have to create it.
Forget, as they will say, confronting them with nagging because they have to admit their wrong doings. Maybe they are denying something they did and you are livid, how can he deny when you have the facts, and you need them to admit to it. You have questions damn it! When it is true, only reason you would need to ask him anything else is if you were not sure and needed confirmation from his mouth. You just have this feeling that some of your anger will go away if you can just prove to him that he can’t deny things anymore. You have your answer, that needs to be your closure.
You already spent too much time on a loser like that so it is time to move on and feel blessed you found out about what kind of person is and didn’t stay with him another year or decade. Move on girl! Do not allow it to consume you to the point where other areas of your life will be affected by you in this state. Your happiness, your other relations, family, friends, work, and let’s not forget we always need to play. In fact I would probably call this the most important time to remember to play and do fun things with others in your life.
Don’t allow yourself to get lost and ruminate in the problem trying to find a solution that you may never find. It is time to deal with the pain so you can let it go, yeah let it go. You don’t need to hold on to that pain so he knows your suffering either. The only one that this hurts is you, they care less.
I remind myself that I trust life will deal with “him”. If you are used, cheated on with no regard for your feelings, you may feel like you have to do something because they are not going to get away with what they did to you. Know that people who hurt people like that will see that they just keep having bad luck. This guy once betrayed the friendship part of our relationship. That really hurt me and it went through me because not only did he have no remorse, he shifted the blame trying to make me out as a nag, always wanting to argue. Now that I think about it, he always wonders why he just can’t get a break. Something good is happening and boom, it goes away, jobs are lost, cars are lost. That is the process I like to think of as Karma.
You are not in charge here when it comes to someone else’s behavior. You focus is on you and continue to be the best person in life. Take this as a lesson in learning to be more compassionate about people’s feelings because of this experience and what betrayal hurt feels like.
Most importantly, it is time to create your own happiness and give up that victim mentality. You can’t sit around and wait to heal either. It doesn’t come to us, we have to go out and pursue happiness and peace and serenity.