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Quotes To Grow When Lonely

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“I’m learning a lot “myself being alone, and doing what I’m doing.” Chantal Kreviazuk

“The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by your self.” Douglas Coupland

“When everything is lonely I can be my best friend.” Conor Oberst

“I restore myself when I am alone.” Marilyn Monroe

“I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.” Robin Williams

“The best part about being alone is that you really don’t have to answer to anybody. You do what you want.” Justin Timberlake

“Being alone and actually sitting with out own thoughts can lead to such growth and realizations that are rare in our everday busy lives.” Kourtney Kardashian

“It is far better to be alone than to be in bad company.” George Washington

“One travels more usefully when alone, because he reflects more.” Thomas Jefferson

“You’re only lonely if you’re not there for you.” Phil McGraw

 

 

Are You Allowing Your Pain and Anger to Harm You and Your Family?

Are you having a booger of a time dealing with this divorce?  Does your life seem to be falling apart and you feel like you are dying of a broken heart or maybe you feel so angry you could bite through a bullet.    .

Time to Woman Up With this Divorce

I know, I know, the last thing you want to do is pretend your are strong if you feel sad and weak and you just can’t stand that cliché’, “fake it till you make it!”

The truth is that behaving negatively is bad for your health, your mental health and especially if you have children.  It affects your job, and even future relationships.  Don’t you want to deal with your emotions so you could figure all this is for the best so you can start living a healthy life leading to happiness.

Deal With Your Divorce Stress With Dignity And Strength

You can become your worst enemy because if you are behaving negatively, How will you ever come out of this a stronger woman.

Control your negative emotions from yourself and your children.

When I say control, I don’t mean mask it or pretend it isn’t there.  You must allow yourself to go through the pain and feel every bit of it.  You must process it to come out of the other end.

Going through a divorce, or even separations and break-ups can be devastating. It is a like mourning the death of your husband, only he is alive and shacking up with another woman.  Yeah that sure does hurt.

If you are angry and full of resentment, you have to identify the pain that is fueling that anger and work on that.  You heard of the stages of grief.  They are now saying that they don’t come in any particular order.  You may feel anger first until you realize the truth and then get depressed.  What matters is looking for articles, advice on healing.

What Are Issues That Could Flare Up Negative and Destructive Emotions

  • Spouses own temper tantrums he brings to you.  You have to realize this is not about fighting fire with fire.  If he is fire, you need to be water and not gasoline.
  • Research mind, body and soul healing.  What this means is that you have to take care of yourself now.  Eat the right foods, don’t drink too much, exercise. Whatever is your belief source, now is probably the best time to get in touch with your faith.
  • Take good care of your job.  We all have had those times when we are going through something and work is so hard because your mind wanders.  But your job is your source of income and you want to remember you may be the sole breadwinner now.
  • Take good care of your kids.  This is very tough on them and it is imperative that you are not a jealous, information seeking, pitiful look at how sad I am a type of mom.  They are your priority so you need to woman-up around your children.
  • The last is realize that just because Karen Gail Grubb from across the street dealt with her divorce great.  As a matter of fact they are friends and they both get their new spouses and they all go to Olive Garden for “All You Can Eat spaghetti” on Tuesday.  So what!  Do not compare yourself to anyone because everyone heals different.  There is no time watch on grief. But at the same time you don’t want to live in our wallow either.

Well that is it for now.  If you can think of anything more, please send me a comment.

Happy Healing

SO YOU WANT TO HEAL…

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SO YOU WANT TO HEAL

It is called trudging…

Do things you don’t want to do

You just keep doing it

Continue to “act as if”

Even when you don’t want to

The pain will still be there

The I don’t want to’s will continue to be there

And it’s no matter what you do

So continue forward no matter what

Then slowly slowly one day you will notice

That they are trickling away

You won’t even realize when it started

But key phrase…don’t stop

Never allow yourself to stop

Never allow yourself to go backwards or get stuck

It’s ok to cry, to rest

But continue your journey forward

Pain is pain and we have to endure it

This is how you heal…

GO FIGURE, MY EX CALLED ME FOR MOTHER’S DAY!

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GO FIGURE, MY EX CALLED ME FOR MOTHER’S DAY!

I received a phone all on Mother’s Day. I am not talking about from my children, those calls are expected. In fact for those I sit there staring at my phone and say, “4…3…2…ring!” I have angels for children, I am never forgotten, I am doted on, and I am lavished with gifts and my room smells like Conroy’s Flowers from the beautiful flowers I am given for all occasions. I have no complaints about my gifts from God.

I am sitting at El Torito having brunch with all my family, feasting, laughing just having a wonderful time. There is no pause in activity at our table between my 3-year-old niece who is the biggest ham and cuter than a ladybug singing for us, to a family toast of coffee with Baileys, our table was just buzzing. So I don’t know how I heard the low ring of my phone. I about choked on my Steak Picado when I saw my phone light up and there was my husband’s name on the screen indicating that it was him calling. It didn’t take a genius to know he was calling to wish me a happy Mother’s Day.

I grabbed my phone and ran outside because like I said between my huge family’s continuous chit chat- ha ha ha and Mariachi music playing in the background. I wanted to hear what I already knew what was coming…Yup, he wanted to wish the mother of his children a happy Mother’s Day.

His voice was sweet and pleasant and sincere, I was really taken aback by his this gesture. I thanked him for calling me. We had a very brief conversation about his mother, I guess her Cancer is progressing rapidly and it really doesn’t look good.

But what a concept, I was touched that the man I seen as a monster a few months back called me on Mother’s Day. Now let’s not get confused here, there are no romantic pangs here, no throbbing of hearts here. I was touched that he was a considerate human being and acknowledged the mother of his children. That was a nice touch to my already awesome Mother’s Day.

It has been 7 months since my husband asked me for a divorce and 6 months since we legally separated. In that time my feelings for him have been on a roller coaster. They have went from extreme to extreme. From trying to be his friend for my children’s sake but inside I felt the Incredible Hulk fighting to get out, to Psycho doing a Hairy Carrie and losing all control and wishing not nice things towards him. I have felt sorry for him because maybe he missed having a family to Ha Ha this is what he gets and I hope his pecker would shrivel up and fall off. Evil thoughts huh! But today it was different, I seen him as a human being and I really wished him well and thanked him for calling me and felt good talking to him and hung up and went on with my dinner. What a nice guy for calling me.

Oh man, I guess I will be calling him on Father’s Day! I mean that would be the only decent thing to do, right?

DIVORCE HAS GIVEN ME A SECOND LIFE!!!

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DIVORCE HAS GIVEN ME A SECOND LIFE!!

Now I am realizing that my separation from my husband is my opportunity for a second life, a richer life, a happier life. I realize that I am awake now to life and all that it has available to me, things that I never took advantage of, things that were there the whole time but I was so far up my husband’s azz that I couldn’t see any of it. I can see clearly now the rain is gone, and the muck, and the clouds.

I had decided right away that I would not allow myself to become stagnant, I would do everything I could not be stuck in the past. My path was going to be about moving forward. I wanted to make a better me, to improve me, to work on me, to do a total tune-up on Catalina from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes.

Everything that I have been setting out to do, I am doing. I am exercising, going to school, going out with friends and whining a whole lot less. I have awaken up to the fact that we choose what kind of life we want and if we don’t like what we have, then damn it, you just have to change it. Because it is my own life, nobody else’s my own.

I was upset about my weight, then exercise! Uh duh! I was upset about my creative piece not getting the best critique from my instructor, then take a class to refresh my English! If I am lonely, call or get together with friends. Simple answers to problems that I made complicated with my own brain.

Divorce and Separation and Breaking up with somebody you cared about or loved didn’t have to be a death sentence.

I still do not understand all the pain that I had to endure all those years to get to where I am now, maybe I never will. I always felt life was unfair to me, what did I do wrong? I once heard someone say, in order to feel pleasure you must feel pain first, maybe this is what it is about. As much pain as I went through excites me because that means God has a whole lot of beauty and happiness in store for me and much pleasure in life. Every day one more flower blooms in my heart, another door slowly opens. What else does life have in store for me, it’s like those Russian wooden dolls, you keep opening them and there is another and another, it is endless.

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY DAUGHTER…

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WITH MY DAUGHTERS HELP

As Mother’s Day approaches I would like to do a special shout out to a special little girl.

I mentioned how friends helped me through my separation, but there is a little girl… Well not so little…in fact she is a big ol’ moose. Not so, she is my moose! My daughter is my moose and I don’t mean she’s a horrendous boarish animal with horns like antlers and huge antlers and hooves; she is a beautiful lady…girl…woman…girl to me. 26 to be exact. To me she looks like a model, and if you saw her you would think so too. Why am I going on about her?

Some women are left to fend for themselves with small children to raise. Wow, these are the biggest heroes of all. Then we have the women who are left to fend for themselves, alone with grown or no children at all. To go out into the world all by their lonesome. Then there are middle of the ground women like me. Oh I was blessed. I went out into the wild blue yonder with my big grown adult woman as my roomie. It was looked upon as an adventure. Oh yeah, we were going to be like Thelma and Louise! Out to cause havoc. It was around Christmas time, we got us a pink tree with ornaments that consisted of high heels, hand bags, lipstick. Our apartment was going to be themed Chick Power!

There were days when I was scared. This was new to me. The fear of doing it on my own set in. How am I going to fend for myself financially? I got depressed and my daughter would say, “come on mom let’s go max out your card at Wal-Mart.” Kinda defeats the purpose huh? Whatever, it worked. We spent time shopping and just hanging out. This gave me time to get used to the idea of being alone. I wasn’t thrown out into the cold world by myself, I had the warmth of my loving daughter by my side. No TV, (we couldn’t afford cable) we only had each other to talk to, and a radio/CD player playing Dixie Chicks over and over.

Thank you baby girl. Thank you for becoming the training wheels I needed to go out into the big bad world. Thank you for the times we would dye your hair and you would pull out my gray hair (whoops did I say that?) or put on Christmas music and decorate our Chick Power Christmas tree with high heels, hand bags and pink and purple foo-foo things.

Ironically, Dixie Chick’s Land Slide became my song because it talks about children growing older and life going on. My child did grow older and she’s now my side kick. Long ago when my daughter was probably only 12, I went to a Tarot card reader at a swap meet. This lady looked over at my daughter and told me she felt that there was a special bond between my daughter and I, not your normal mother daughter relationship. Later on in life she would be like a kindred spirit to me. At her young age this lady saw the bond that would happen later on, and I understand it now.

They say you should always separate friendship from parenting, I disagree. My daughter is one of my best friends, and I am told I am one of hers too.

She has grown to be a beautiful strong woman and when I grow up, I hope to be just like her!!

ENDLESS NIGHT….

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ENDLESS NIGHTS…

There was a time as I sat at the ledge of my front window more time than I could count. Many times watching the sun come up. It never ceases to amaze me how as a car would approach how I would kneel up to get a closer look, my hear would pound so hard, let it be him let it be him. As the car drove by and I realize it wasn’t him, the sinking in my stomach never felt better than the last time. As each car approached, the heart pounding pace never was slower than the last time. Night after night, day after day as this became a routine. Why didn’t it become easier that he wasn’t coming home? Why didn’t my wishes that the car be his lessen as each car drove by? Why didn’t it get to the point where I said, damn, eff this, I work tomorrow, I’m tired, I’m going to bed? But that night never came. Why didn’t the sobs grow quitier night after night? Why didn’t I miss him less? Why didn’t I trust him less? Why didn’t I care less? Why did I love too much much?