Signs You Are Getting Bitter! 

humor side of divorce

Now I am not going to say that I never get bitter, it is natural especially if you were the one that was left.  Watch yourself and if you start talking like this, YOU ARE OFFICIALLY GETTING BITTER!  Bitter alert, bitter alert!

Don’t sound like this:

  • “Did you see his new ho, she is hideous!” (Even if she looks like Jennifer Anniston, you are going to go over her with a fine tooth comb and find something wrong).
  • “Date? After my marriage I don’t want to see another man ever.” (Wait, I hear that Johnny Depp wants to go out with you, still swearing off men forever? Give it time and you will want to jump right back on the horse…literally).
  • “All the good men are taken or gay!”, (Guess what there are men that were jilted too. There are men that chose careers before, widows, unhappily married men…gee the choices).
  • “He is never going to find anyone like me!” (Can’t rule out, cloning can we?)
  • “One day he is going to regret leaving me and by then it will be too late!” (Spoiler alert, men don’t break up marriages for anything.  He made it final because for some reason the two of you were not mean to be.  That is all, accept it.)
  • “All men are alike!” (Whoah, whoah that is the ultimate “bitter woman” comment. Just like you are unique, so are men so do not sabotage your chances with limited thinking).

What other self-defeating things are you saying?  On a serious note, that kind of thinking can really hold you back from becoming a happily single woman that is the prime catch for those eligible men out there. Trust me they are out there. Just realize, would you like to go out with a negative nilly?  A man that is full of criticism or an optimistic person that see’s the lighter side of life.  You have to attain the same qualities you are looking for a man.  So when you start saying negative things, stop yourself and make yourself realize that is just your hurt and anger getting the best of you.  Only you can control your thoughts.

“Hate. It has caused a lot of problems in this world but has not solved one yet.”

– Maya Angelou

Movie Titles That Describe My Marriage, My Ex, and Sex…Ha!

Funny divorce

I have compiled famous movie titles to describe my ex, my marriage and my sex life.  Because sometimes it feels good to laugh!

Are they talking about a movie or my ex?

  • Barfly (He was a fixture at Bobo’s the Bar)
  • Bringing up the Baby (How many kids did I have?)
  • Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (I wonder who will come home today?)
  • Dumbo (Title says it all)
  • Touch of Evil (Only a touch?)
  • The Heartbreak Kid (Heart destroyer is more like it)
  • Dirty Harry (Didn’t I buy him all kinds of razors?)

The following movie titles sure do sound like they are describing my marriage:

  • The Crying Game (Day and night).
  • The Damned (Oh yes I was).
  • Sleeping with the Enemy (Sleeping with one eye open became a skill).
  • Les Miserables (You said it!).
  • One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Not flew over, landed right in it).
  • The Snake Pit (Rattlesnakes that is).
  • The Good the Bad and the Ugly (I am the good…he takes what is left over).

Last but not least, I had a chuckle finding movie titles to describe…OUR SEX LIFE!

  • Dawn of the Dead (Wait in the movie they actually moved).
  • Nightmare on Elm Street (Nightmare on whatever my street was called).
  • Much Ado About Nothing (Ado declare it was about nothing).
  • It Happened One Night (Come to think about it, I faked it that night too).
  • Gone with the Wind (Yup, there the sex drive just blew by).
  • The Big Sleep (Is there one called the Big Headache?).
  • Close Encounters of the Thirds Kind (28 years married, encounters of the third kind, that’s about right).
  • Clueless (Skills boy, ya gotta get skills!).
  • All is Quiet on the Western Front (and the Eastern, Southern and Northern!).
  • The Big Chill (And that describes how hot my sex life really was).

Come on people this was fun…can you think of any?

How To Know It Is Time For Divorce!!

Clown_clown_w_balloons

Some signs are just too clear! You know it is time to divorce:

1. He always take you out to nice places, but forgets to pick you up after.

2. Not only is Forensic Files his favorite new show, you notice he is taking notes.

3. He doesn’t expect you to have dinner ready when he gets home, but his girlfriend does.

4. Sex is not a problem, except for when you don’t drink enough and keep waking up.

5. He is so excited to finally be a daddy, but not as happy as his girlfriend.

(I made these up…can anyone add any to them?)

Quoteable Celebrity Divorce Quotes! (They ought to know!)

Clown_clown_w_balloons

Who knows more about marriage and divorce, and marriage and divorce…CELEBRITIES!  I found these and thought some of them were quite clever.  Enjoy!

My husband and I have never considered divorce. Murder sometimes, but never divorce.

~ Joyce Brothers

Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.

~ Robin Williams

She cried—and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook.

~ Tommy Manville

The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money. ~ Johnny Carson

My mother always said don’t marry for money, divorce for money.

~ Wendy Liebman

You don’t know a women till you’ve met her in court.

~ Norman Mailer

Half of all marriages end in divorce—and then there are the really unhappy ones.

~ Joan Rivers

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

~ Woody Allen

Divorce is one of the most financially traumatic things you can go through. Money spent on getting mad or getting even is money wasted.

–Richard Wagner

A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I’m about $100,000 short.

~ Mickey Rooney

I’d marry again if I found a man who had $15 million and would sign over half of it to me before the marriage and guarantee he’d be dead in a year.

~ Bette Davis

Take this marriage thing seriously—it has to last all the way to the divorce.

~ Roseanne Barr

To get over my divorce, I got a prescription to live at the Playboy Mansion for a while.

~ James Caan

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

So Little Men

 

handsome-guy[1]

 

So Little Men…So Much Time 1.29.13

I was thinking…yeah that happens a lot. I look around at my friends, family and women in general and there are sooo many single women out there. I am not alone after all. In fact it seems to be that I have joined the larger population women alone vs women in a relationship.

Why is that? As I ask the answer all tend to seem the same. There isn’t anyone of quality to choose from. No one to choose from at all. And if these men are single, well that is scary too! Why are they single? What is wrong that they are single? That old saying holds true.” No wonder they are single!” (Funny we never say… uh hello we are single too).

But let us get back to my inquiry. Where are all the men? Why are there so little men to choose from? Should we be alarmed? Should we do something about it? Like clone them like they did those sheep in the 90’s? Do we want a world with more men than we have now?

Wow, I shudder to think what could that mean to mankind. Fine! No deep thinking, move on.

One friend told me that there are 10 women for every man out there!

Could this be true? Do we have to revert back to the days of the Harems where there is one man and 10 wives? I mean it does happen to this day, maybe that is why it happens.

I heard of one Morman setting where a large family lived, and every wife had her own room and the husband would take turns going to each room each night. I am telling you right now that would not work for me because I would be standing at my door every night saying, “Hey it’s my turn again! Oh hell no you are not staying with her tonight! You better get your butt in my room now!” Catalina doesn’t play nice in the sandbox!

They would be starting a reality show on my house staring me, Morman Mean Girl!

It may be that true happiness lies in not living happily ever after with a man by your side.

What is happening is that women fearing being alone end up with some half-assed cheating, weirdo man because they feel they have to be with someone. Who says so? Being alone doesn’t have to mean loneliness and sadness. There is an African proverb that goes, “It is better to travel alone, than with a bad companion.”

Why travel alone? My female friends make the best company? Ll