BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM
Have you ever thought that maybe you are not happy with your life after divorce/separation because you don’t want to be? Now, now, before you start sending me “hate” replies, keep reading so I can explain. I watched this documentary on happiness and they showed this family that lived in South America. This family lived in a hut with no furniture, just sheets all over the dirt floors, their clothes were disheveled and torn, the children had no shoes and ran around like little mongrels. The worst part of all is that every day to eat, they didn’t go to any refrigerator or drive-thru at McDonalds…oh no they had to go to the fields and milk the goats, harvest the veggies, pluck the trees for fruit, momma is grinding something on a big rock with another rock that looks like gruel. Oh yeah eating is not simple over there. I will tell you one thing though, if you have to go through all that to eat, you better believe there is not a weight problem over there. Everyone’s BMI is way below the suggested guidelines. I hate those damn guidelines, who invented that darn BMI…anyways…
Oh, where was I? Oh yeah the happy South Americans! Well they were very social people, they would visit each other, I mean what else was there to do but talk because it isn’t like they could watch t.v. but with no furniture they would just squat. Yeah, SQUAT! Could you imagine….”Dear go out back to the goat and get our guest a cup of milk…please guest come into my hut, have a squat” Ha!
Ok, I am getting carried away, we are supposed to get to a point here. The whole point on this documentary was how could these families that in our standards, as Americans, living in extreme poverty, say they are so happy. In my eyes they worked so freaking hard from the time they opened their eyes to the time they went to bed and really didn’t have much to show for. Yet they all were loving to each other, playful and always smiling. Wow!
Now my working hard was not putting any smile on my face. I was harboring a deep resentment against my husband because he ended up with a big beautiful home that he was allowed to kick me out of because it was his mother’s. Yeah I was bitter seeing him owning a gorgeous home and me renting a small apartment yet we were paying the same a month. I was bitter because he worked 5 days a week and I worked 7 days a week, 2 jobs missing family parties, friend weekend getaways and in my head, being flown by Johnny Depp to Paris for a 3 day weekend. How did I get the raw end of the deal? Wah wah wah!!!
Now I could have moved back to my mommy’s house in the spare room, maybe put up some Led Zeppelin and KISS posters on the wall and have all kinds of money to burn at the mall, oh hey, I could even afford to buy the clothes at Hot Topics. I wonder if they would start carding me again? Let’s not forget Johnny Depp, what am I going to tell him. Uh yeah Johnny I am a 48 year old but you can pick me up at my mommy’s if you want to fly me to Paris for a 3 day weekend. For sure he will never ask me for a second date and I cannot risk that. So of course I stayed in my apartment and I worked 7 days a week, paid my bills, day after day after day.
Something started to happen, I noticed my pocket change turned into a small savings. Now this maybe no big deal to you, but to Catalina this was huge! I have always lived check to check with NOTHING NOTHING to spare. In fact I was borrowing a couple $20s till payday from mom, husband anyone. So when I looked in my savings and seen in 3 months I saved so so much I was floored. Now during this time I had changed work assignments which called for more of an office attire wardrobe. So I had bought me several really nice beautiful dresses. The kind of dress that people come up to you all day and say, “Wow where did you get that dress?” and you get to do a little twirl and say, “Ross!”
That savings is not for every weekend fly by the seat whatever. I have the money for that week camping trip to Yosemite with my adult babies. I have money to plan getaway trips with my beautiful girlfriends. I have money for my little sisters first shower gift. I can take some days off. I don’t have to work every single weekend. It is about really picking and choosing and appreciating my time that I do get off.
I noticed my thousands of dollars worth of debt will be zero by June and I could get that car. Did I do all this myself??? I checked my credit rating and it is really good. The only thing keeping it from perfect is that I haven’t purchased a home or car, well hello I didn’t know you needed to be buying stuff like that to have better credit…Fine I will get a new car…will that make the credit bureau happy? I know it will make me happy! Holy Guacamole good credit? Me? Where is a pedestal, somebody get me a pedestal and a cape! I have an incredible need to stand on top of a pedestal with my hands on my hips and declare, “I am a woman! An independent woman and I am making it out here in this big world with no help from a man or even my mommy!”
Then I thought of that South American family that worked so hard day after day and why they were so happy. That sense of accomplishment. It really wasn’t about having a big two-story hut with a local McDonalds they could ride their Ox to at lunchtime for a Big Mac. No it was that sense of accomplishment. They had everything they needed there with them. They had their loved ones. They had rich soil to harvest their food. They knew true gratefulness and when you become so grateful for what you have then you will find happiness.
I had it wrong the whole time didn’t I? I had been ungrateful this whole time. Wahhhh I have to go to my wonderful county job of almost 20 years that has given me the best of friends and has given me the best assignments! Wahhhh, I have to go to work at as a pet nutritionist and play with the cutest dogs and basically just chill all day and talk yet make really decent money. Wahhh I live in a cute 2 bedroom apartment that I pay for all by myself.
So when I say maybe you are not happy with your life because you don’t want to be, think about it. What are you focusing on. Him? Your losses? The past? The betrayal? Is that what you are CHOOSING to focusing on that is making you so unhappy? I know that is what I was doing. Turn it around girlie, those South Americans can sure teach us a lot about life. It is all in how you CHOOSE to look at it!!
So as I walk into my second job, there will be an extra bounce to my step. A little extra sparkle to my smile…I say extra because there is a whole lotta sparkle already. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to, today, Saturday, I get to go to work where so many people can’t even find one job, I am blessed with two so I have been able to make it like I set out to do when I started this blog. This job allows me to be the proud independent woman who I set out to be when my husband kicked me out October 2012 and I was afraid of doing it on my own. At 50ish I GET to take care of myself and that makes me happier than shit!!!