Tag Archive | Moving on

Quotes To Move On

Screenshot_20170318-020137

“Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me”  Carol Burnett

“With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts”. Eleanor Roosevelt

“If you fell down yesterday, stand up today.” H.G. Wells

“To help yourself, you must be yourself. Be the best that you can be. When you make a mistake, learn from it, pick yourself up and move on.” Dave Pelzer

“Forgiving does not erase the bitter past. A healed memory is not a deleted memory. Instead, forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.” Lewis B. Smedes

“Don’t dwell on what went wrong. Instead, focus on what to do next. Spend your energies on moving forward toward finding the answer.” Denis Waitley

“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life.” Anne Roiphe

We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.” Marcel Proust

“Healing takes Courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it.” Tori Amos

“Feeling sorry for ourselves is the most useless waste of energy on the planet. It does absolutely no good. We can’t let our circumstances or what others do or don’t do control us. We can decide to be happy regardless.” Joyce Meyer

 

 

 

When Will You Ever Heal?

Depression

Depression

What happened to the girl that I was 4 years ago? I was on top of the world, shooting out blogs, feeling empowered, being independent. Four years later I find myself renting a room from my ex. Yeah, I know laugh, I would too if it weren’t so darn humiliating.  How did it get to this?

With my income, and jet-setting here and there traveling (so I maxed out some credit cards), I found myself unable to afford my apartment. Renting a room from families I did not know was a disaster so when my ex said he would rent me a room for $200 a month! I jumped on it.  He told me I would have the money to pay off bills, travel…it seems like all the answers to my prayers.

There was one problem. The friend he called friend…that was a girl…turned out to be a girlfriend. This information did not become public until after we became intimate…yeah, yeah more on that later.

I would be on the couch watching television and I saw him showering and whoah, the amount of cologne he put on reminded me of the old disco days where the men bathed in Polo and shirt buttons left open to expose the Tom Selleck like chest hairs. I would sit there thinking, don’t say anything, don’t say anything. I almost made it but as he headed out the door I heard my self calling out sarcastically, have fun.

Then there came little Tupperware containers of food she cooked for him. Now I am not one to brag but, I am pretty damn good and what she was making him made my daughter and I laugh.

Around Valentines day I saw him rush in with a shopping bag…was it Victoria’s Secret?

Wait, why was all this bothering me? Was I, uh, jealous? OH MY GOD! My stomach would turn and I would want to say something sarcastic. But then it got worse I found myself truly sad. I don’t think I wanted him back but I didn’t like how he was wining and dining her and getting all fixed up.

I am really depressed and feeling how unfair life is. My marriage is truly over and I am having a hard time dealing with it. Was this why I was led back? Was this my lesson that he was putting it in my face that he has moved on and I have no choice but to do the same.

One step forward, two steps back. Ok, there is going to be times you feel like you are back sliding but it should serve as a reminder of what you should not go back to. I never want to live with the pain I had to deal with everyday, Breathe, this too shall pass.

Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of you history, but not part of your destiny.

Steve Maraboli

 

Waiting To Heal From Divorce?

Divorce-heal

Remember Why You are Apart

Waiting To Heal From Divorce?

Do you find yourself asking when will I stop hurting? I asked for 30 years, I still catch myself asking. I find myself irritated, why does it bug me that he is dating when he seems like life is peaches and orgasms. Why was he able to move on so easily? Then it can escalate, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!

Then it occurs to me.

Oh yeah, I got married because to me it was true love…

Oh yeah, I have some values and virtue and I’m selective and not going to just jump in the sack with the first Joe Schmo that says, “Do you work at Subway, cause you just gave me a foot long!”

And I’d be, Oh my God, I just gave a man an erection! It must be true love!

Puleeeze!

Oh yeah, then I remember he was a horrible husband and I was MISERABLE!!

And I smile and go about my day!

I’m Renting a Room At My Ex’s Home!

I'm Renting a Room From My ExBelieve it!  I last left off blogging about my depression because for three years I have rent rooms, going back to mom’s.  I have been here and there and even stayed random nights at friends houses.  How I longed for that feeling you get after a long day at work and you just kick off your shoes and flop on the couch…HOME…That feeling was a big void for three years.  Some conditions I lived in were so deplorable but at my pay and with my bills that was all I could afford.

When my ex told me I could rent a room at his home AND MY KIDS LIVE THERE, I said yes faster than he could finish his sentence.

EVERYONE’S CONCERN: Could I stay detached whilst I stayed under the same roof with the man who told me to my face he just didn’t love me anymore and ridiculed me as I cried?  Could I handle the fact that he still does not want me and will be dating and even bringing women home? Would  all the old arguing and fighting we used to do start-up again and mess up their happy home?

I would lie if I were to say that it won’t bother me if he struts in with this woman and see interest in his eyes for her, being sweet and acting like a teenager head over heels. Interest that he was not able to find in me but so easily pours it out to someone else. Yeah, I know there will be pain. I know there will be no scene, instead I will accept defeat and peacefully move out as soon as I could.

This is not my thought process, I am not allowing it to be.  I looked him straight in the eye and said, as long as you can allow me the same privilege that this is my house too and I will respectfully date and only bring someone home if it is not just booty call. What he told me next blew me away.

He said that he was the man he was today because of me.  I was the one that fixed his teeth, got him to stop drinking, took care of his Cancer (I forget what else) and he said thank you.  Now it was his turn to pay me back by giving me a place to call home, that it was my home too for as long as I wanted to live there as long as we could get along.

He went on to say that he has only three people he cares about and that is his kids and me, we are all the family he has left and he would do all he could because I deserve it.

I could not stop the tears as I told him that I loved this house and it was hard moving out yet it feels like I never left.  Being able to see my kids everyday, having my dog run and greet me as I get home. Having noise in the house…

I don’t know what the future brings, I know he has never been able to love me like a man loves a woman and that hurts my ego more.  So I know there would never be another us, he killed my heart the day he told me he was done and had someone else.  I see how he treats the girl he was dating now.  He got bored and wants new meat.  That is not what I want for myself.

So this is a new adventure for me in learning life lessons.  This is the ultimate test in forgiveness, acceptance and most of all jealousy.  This is my ultimate step in moving on and seeing him do it will kindle that spark in me to take a chance out there.  I am young, attractive and have a lot to offer.

Maybe IT IS time to stop feeling like I am unlovable and see what is out there again.  It is a scary feeling but it would be nice to have those butterflies over a man again.

For now, home is where mama is!

When You Think Nobody Will Ever Compare to Your Ex


So you are back to dating, yet you find yourself comparing or looking for someone like your ex.

f7107f273ea534cf046fd14646cb23db

Nothing Compares To You

There is a reason why you feel nobody measures up to your ex.

You are not quite ready to date.

What is the solution you ask? Good question!

First of all it depends how long you have been single. The healing process is different for everyone, but if you find yourself still rejecting everyone because he doesn’t have the nice biceps like your ex, or he just isn’t as handsome as your ex…ok, we have a problem.

You need to read my blog “Disengage and Let Go” because chickee he is not your man anymore so let it go! I am being serious, the assignment is learning to let go, move on, bury the corpse…IT’S DEAD!

On the opposite side of the scale you may be a new divorcee that is trying to numb the pain with a man. For you, no man. Sorry, your assignment is to learn to sit with your pain. Allow yourself to grieve completely or else you will be dating on the rebound. There is no rush, relax and heal before moving on.

Then we have the one similar to the stuck in the past person. Ask yourself who do you miss? What you wish he was like or what he used to be like. I’m sure you were on your best behavior when you met him. Probably didn’t poop in the same house for months.  Guess what, so was he.

You need to remember reality like uh, you are not together. Uh, maybe he remarried. What is the truth of the situation? Well then time to get him off the pedestal and realize it’s over and maybe you are living in wish land.

Dating is harder for some especially if your mind is on the ex. After proper grieving, let it go and move on.

 

 

 

 

 

Are Your Tears Creating Your Reality?

IMG_20160220_132849

We heard it time again, we create our reality. Sounds simple, then why do we continue to ruminate on misery?

Do we love it, is it comfort, do we even know how to be positive?

Today is a new day. As thoughts of self pity came into my head I actually said aloud,”Stop it”, and forced myself back to the present.  Seconds later again. It was a battle in my head. It went back and forth, my brain was a yo-yo.

Guess what, I was not 100% successful but I was 90% more positive because I didn’t ruminate in the negative. I was successful in the fact that I didn’t allow thedoomy gloomy thoughts take over like they usually do.

If I can do it so can you. As soon as negative, self defeating thoughts peek in I say, “Stop” and bring myself to the now. I become aware of my surroundings. I wasn’t depressed today, although my mind keeps trying to take me there.

Guess what brain, I OWN YOU AND I WILL MASTER CONTROLLING YOU..and so can you. I challenge everyone to try.

14 Logical Ways to Know You May Be Dating Mr. Right!

Divorcee Go Wings/Dating

In order to find a good man we need to think ahead about what we want in a man.  The traits I accumulated are key to finding a great guy.

No more settling.  No more Mr. Losers for us.  Because we are perfect women and this time around we want a man who is going to be worthy of us.  I have searched the web and came up with these 14 traits, gestures and behaviors that I found the most important to finding Mr. Wonderful.

Now first, very important.  You are not going to pull out a clip board and question him.  These are to remembered so they sound natural if you need to ask questions.  The key is to talk about everything and to casually in a conversation mode, even ask questions.

TRAITS WE WANT IN A MAN

  • He asks questions, not just answers yours. Him asking if you like oral doesn’t count.  This guy will ask things to get to know who you are. He wants to know your favorite food, your passions, and even what you are looking for in a man.
  • Asks about your family, and doesn’t hide his.  Family values are important and if he asks you in proper time to meet his wonderful family, that means he wants to show you off to people he loves.
  • Not chauvinistic,  but chivalry is not dead.  He is not the kind of man who expects you to serve him as he lays out on the couch drinking his tall bud.  He doesn’t expect you to draw his bath.  He seems like the kind of guy that will get in and help you cook dinner and do the dishes.  Gee whiz! So he is about equality, but he treats you like a princess and opens doors for you, pulls your chair out.
  • No temper issues: I was married to an abuser with a horrid temper so this is a good one.  Want to test his temper, have him drive you two somewhere during rush hour on the freeway.  Are you noticing his temper rising and everyone else that is driving is an idiot.  The worst thing is he tells off everyone in the other cars…as if they could hear him.  Ugh, we need gentle peaceful men.
  • Makes you feel good no matter if you are in sweats or dress but it is authentic.  Now I am not saying to walk around in lard covered sweats and not brush your teeth.  I am talking clean, no make-up and he still acts like you are some hot super model.  Or at least that you are cute.
  • Apologizes when wrong.  So important, a man who cannot admit when he is wrong is all wrong! You do not want a man who has too big of pride that refuses to admit he is wrong.  If he is late to pick you up (which should not be happening anyways) but he is sorry and is trying to make it up to you.
  • Listens to your problems.  I am not talking, “Uh huh, really, oh”, I mean actively listening to your issues at hand.  Now mind you men have a tendency to think you are asking for a solution.  Don’t forget to listen to him back.
  • Not afraid to bring up goal with you.  Does he say stuff like, you are the kind of woman I would love to spend the rest of my life with.  Ok maybe even, asking if you could date exclusively.  This is a sign that he is not commitment phobic.  A man that says he doesn’t want to get serious, is someone who you are never going to get anywhere with.  Advice…run, don’t walk!
  • You are a priority.  You matter to him.  Not to mention he makes sure you know how important you are to him.
  • Respectful.  First time you hear anything like stupid, idiot, any disrespectful language that makes you sound like a lesser person.  Does he treat you with respect, doesn’t raise his voice to you.  This is very important.
  • Surprises you with sweet things.  Awe, what a sweet-ums!  Brings you flowers, maybe even picked it for you.  Brings you over a DVD to watch, and it just so happens to be your favorite movie.  Ah he really was listening!
  • Got act together.  We are not material girls, at least we shouldn’t be.  At the same time, we should be selective and want a man that is gainfully employed, doesn’t ride a 10-speed.  His finances are in order, maybe owns a home, but maybe he has his own apartment.  Something that tells you he has ambition and is responsible.  Does he work, is it a good job.  It could be a McDonalds manager, I am not downgrading anyone.  But come one if you want to go out with me you must have a J.O.B.
  • Work history:  Ok so we know he has a J.O.B., but what is his history with work.  Does he jump around and goes periods where there is no work, or does he have a 35-year-old pension because he has worked at the same company his whole life.  During this economy I realize there are men that are out of work and I am not dissing anyone.  But realistically, if you are having problems with work, you don’t need to be thinking about dating for now.  There are other priorities you need to think about.  I went on a date with a man who was on GR and true story, took me out to eat on his EBT card.  That ended real fast.
  • Great close relationship with family and friends.  If everyone in his life has abandoned him, even his mother.  Then you need to wonder why.  No friends either, wow.  Unless he is new to the area, he should have family somewhere, right?  Be wary if you are not introduced to anyone.

Remember, we are asking for some great qualities so you have to think about what are you bringing to the table.  Nobody in this world is perfect, we are going to have flaws.  Growth is about recognizing those flaws and always working to make you the best you can be,.

Happy Dating!