Mad at My Ex!!! 2.21.13
You may say Catalina talks like life is all about peaches and orgasms…rainbows and unicorns. There are days my friend that all my pep, all my ha ha the pain away, all that positive self talk…just don’t cut it! There are some situations where forgiveness is just not something you don’t want to do. There are some days where you sadness is so deep that is just something nothing can pull you out of at this time. And rage, oh man there are times you just can’t clear that red from your eyeballs cause that is all you see no matter how much you wipe your eyes. There are days you get so mad you become like the Incredible Hulk!!
I am human, you are human, I may throw a hamper full of clothes across the room out of sheer anger!! Yeah I do that!! I am here to say that I fail a lot at my own suggestions and advice, there are times where I fail cause I just don’t give a damn cause I want to be mad at my ex and at that time I am so mad I don’t feel he deserves my forgiveness and yes I want to continue call him a piece of shit!! And we say now what! Did we just throw everything out the window. Who is Catalina to give advice on forgiveness because she just text a nasty message to her ex…YES I DID AND IT WAS MEAN AND NASTY!!! So should I put away my laptop and give up my passion for writing and realize my journey through becoming Single and Independent just took a turn off a cliff and I went off it head first and plopped down face into a pile of mud. NO!!
This is where you have just helped me help you to help me!! Ha Ha!! Its only sounds confusing. I am venting!! I was so angry over something with “him” and that anger turned into something that made me so depressed and I was in tears and then I started having negative thoughts….ALL THINGS THAT I SAY NOT TO DO!!!! I was doing and I had the tools to stop but didn’t, couldn’t at the time because they felt too strong. So I vent, call a friend, write, type, START A BLOG…but don’t be my competition…grrrr I feel myself turning green again, don’t make me mad…you won’t like me when I’m mad!!!
I continue to experience pain with my joy and am still learning. In fact this very blog I am writing right this very second is a vent because I am mad as hell and as I have reached the end….ahhhhh. I really do feel better. I don’t want it to stay inside of me because it’s like a cancer…release!! As Louise Hay quoted, we create our own experiences and I have to remind myself, fine I acted like a monster, but I don’t have to stay here for long, I could take the monster mask off and get back on track just as fast as I got there.